Wormwood and Yellow Carnations

Where my heart used to be

A deep dark chasm now exists

You sucked from me my breath

And stifled the beats of my heart

You swallowed up and muted my voice

And took away the blinking of my eyes

You played with my thoughts

And burned up my memory vaults

You took away the inner “me”

And left a hollow core to grieve and rot

You deflowered my pride

And vanished with the hymen

You were the blood on my sheet; you stained my life

I held on to air when you left and let go

And now there’s nothing to hold on to

Six years and a decade

How do I cope with this pain?

The tear in my soul makes me hold you in disdain

But I have to be strong for my unborn

So I’d burn your memories up at the end of this line!

The Storm Within

She sits in the dark night with her eyes raised

Staring into heaven’s shadow.

She stares ‘til the black sky tenses.

The sky’s blackness morphs to a dark orange-red hue.

The disquiet of the heavens stirs the stagnant air.

Fuming in disgust and protesting to her intense stare,

The air morphs into wind.

Wind bursts out and awakens the earth’s crust;

Dust becomes a painting on all life.

She continues to stare, 

She doesn't blink

The sky squirms

Her eyes are the vents to her fury

Her anger tortures the innocent night’s sky

Her rage yanks out the breath from the wind

As trees fly, the heavens begin to cry

Its tears splattering as blood from a severed artery

Her eyes are stung by heavens tears; she blinks.

As the heavens weep, the cries of the skies louden

Every scream triggering a radiant steak across the skies

The boisterous wind crushes her down

As heaven’s tears cleanses her.

As the raging furnace burning deep within her is doused,

She turns to him and whispers

A Call From Beyond

Tears drench my hardened face

As you are lowered into earths belly

She violently pulls me towards you…

The clouds are a tattered lace

A call from beyond

…I hear your voice beyond the dirt

Memory is a flood inside my brain

Erasing all the sanity within…

The sun emits rays inert

In here, I don’t belong

…Lingering feelings within a lifeless soul

Your love, your care, you loved me whole

A wretched being, but you looked within...

Poisoned darts of rain

A call from beyond
In here, I don’t belong

Let me be as cold as you

To journey with you beyond the gates of life

For in this world I do not belong

In that world, you do not belong

Let me hear your voice call from beyond

Tears of a Fatherless Son

You hardly read to me

She always did

She spoke to me

Making me feel wanted, and loved

She asked why you were always busy

You said it was to make my life comfortable

And that when I arrived, you’d be there

My underdeveloped heart gladdened

It filled with expectations of seeing you

I just couldn’t wait

The doctors pronounced me premature

For I was in a hurry to see you

I was overwhelmed with joy as I heard your gruff voice

For I knew you were the one

The one in whose arms I’d mature

I loved my first encounter with you

You were so scared to hold me

Thinking you’d damage my developing bones

I remembered how she giggled

When you delicately wrapped your arms around me

I especially loved you referring to me as junior

And I looked forward to spending my life with you, senior

But, it’s been 19 long, lonely years since…

Accumulating the sporadic times I spent with you

Would not even amount to two years

What went wrong, daddy?

What went wrong?

Anytime she reminded you to spend time with me

You asked her of her existence

But she needed you too

To complement her existence

And anytime I cried for you

You told me to look forward to our quality times

Could you explain the “quality time”, for I know not what it is

Was it the 4 weekly minutes of you asking “how are you?”

Or my formative years spent in the midst of strangers

Your guidance was a desire I craved

I needed you to show me the way

To spank me anytime I misbehaved

And to laugh even though my jokes were dry

I needed to know about men from a man

Those dreams at night

My sticky pajamas in the morn

Those eternal, tormenting emotions

The angst, the lust, those youthful desires

She tried, but she didn’t really understand

You understood, but you didn’t really try

I guess to you, I wasn’t important enough

I might sound ungrateful

If so, please pardon me

Cos I am truly grateful for all you did

Your money sent me to the best nursery school

But I wasn’t nursed to my satisfaction

You provided me the finest basic education

But my basic desire was for you

Then you locked me up in your former senior high school

Leaving me with that obnoxious “school father”

You even bought me trained home teachers

But my most important teacher should have been you

After I graduated top of my class

You image was absent from my graduation pictures

I am educated and there is emptiness in me

I can’t boast about my dad, for I know not who he is

I know you aided in my birth but I know not who you are

I doubt you can hear me say all these

But I wish you could hear me say all these

I wish snippets of my voice will drift into your fading consciousness

My heart aches as I see all those tubes plugged into you

The breath in me drains as I feel your cold, lifeless hands in mine

Oh, how I wish I could comfort myself by reminiscing about our happy times!

Alas, I find no memories

I want to scream at you for depriving me of your love

But I wish I could give a part of me to see you arise

I wish I could have just one extra day with you

I love you dad; I think I do

But I miss you more than the opportunity I had to love

PS: This is a plea to all guys to consider the responsibility of being a father before impregnating anyone. And to those that have children: please, be a responsible and loving father. Do not deprive them of your love which essentially involves the time you spend with them.

Faith and Filth

A touch by a finger

A cure for an ailment

In search of water

Death’s thirst quenched

Powerful wonders, a breath from within

Healing and unbinding, a rate in silver talents

The afflictions of the flock wafts beneath your nose

What holds you back from extending the finger?

Breathe into them; bring them to life!

Old haven for lost souls

A habitat for Heathen priests

An alter for rotten sacrifices

Death in faith

#CharlatanryInReligion

~IBleed~

Tortured Souls

He loved her, she knew.

She loved him not, he knew.

They both settled for friendship.

Their friendship blossomed.

And he was glad,

Glad, because he thought there could be some love hiding somewhere.

Then came the day,

That day she told him she had found a Man.

Cursed be that day!

Was he also not a Man?

Cursed be the day she told him the Man had proposed.

Cursed be the “YES” she claimed she told Him.

Cursed be the “I’m happy for you” He told Her.

And Cursed be the day They got married!

All those times, the love he had in his heart

Felt like it was being squeezed out, little by little,

Till every last drop of love was squeezed out.

He felt he had no love to give,

And was incapable of accepting another’s love.

He became alone.

Alone and tortured,

So tortured, he severed all ties with her (and her new life).

Now here they are,

Sitting face to face,

In his house,

In his couch.

He became teary-eyed as he learned from her

The trauma she went through.

He felt for her.

And the love was coming back.

Should he remind her?

As she spoke, he could feel her anguish, her pain.

A pain from which she would never escape.

A pain he could do nothing about than to offer his shoulder.

He drew near and she placed her head on his shoulder as she sobbed.

She was trapped in a tortured world.

He was trapped too; in her tortured world.

She was haunted by her memories.

He was haunted by her pain,

And his desire.

The desire to dry her eyes with his lips,

The desire to kiss her pain away.

Should he?

He thought against it.

Maybe later,

After he had helped her withstand the torture,

After he had helped her conquer the pain.

For now, he would be content,

Content with being the shoulder she could cry on.

My Better-Worst Half

Darkness dawns

I’ve still not found ma way

I feel a strain, I encounter pain

She bears me down

He chokes me by my neck

I gather strength

As I try to rise

I find the strength

And succeed in killing pain

My success is transient

Pain resurrects, along with fear

Swarming around me

They taunt and rape me…

…With thorns

Pain, empowered by despair

Leaves scarlet red scars all over me

My flesh, wounded and bleeding

Becomes tender to any kind of touch

Painfully tender

Pain, helped by sorrow,

Stare into my eyes and smile

A cold smile

I shiver

Yet, my heart warms

I hated it

Pain, accompanied by anger, draws close

I feel his breath

Inhale her fragrance

I tense to pain’s kiss

Rough but sweet

This time, I didn’t reject her

I didn’t fight him

I hate that I love it

I enjoyed, and adore the thrill

Pain’s thrill

Twas erotically fulfilling

I desired pain in me, and yearned for its sear

I felt him plough through me

I craved pain’s caress and called out her name

I loved her abusing my body, fingering my internal organs

Dissociating my soul from spirit

I can do without pain no more

Pain, my eternal companion

I bow to you

Pain, my air

 I’m resigned to you

I’d have and feel pain than anyone else.

My Terror

I try to lift off the ground

But you clipped my wings

Making me bound to the ground, immovable

Then you abandoned me, in the gloom

Leaving me to the wrath of vicious heinous creatures

I was stricken with fear as my fate dawns on me

Out of the murkiness

It leapt at me

My heart palpitating furiously

I manage a step back

The creature takes three steps towards me

I take another step back

A terrible mistake

The creature lept at me again

Its shadow sucks out my breath

My desire to flee paralyzes me

It opens it deathly mouth

And reveals its bloodstained fangs

I yearn to flee, unclip my wings now

It lets out a blood curdling scream

(Is it too late, I wonder)

And sinks its fangs into my chest

My being numbs

As it overpowers my will

And its fangs, pierce my lungs…

Broken Soul

He called me his son

I called him my father

He told me to be wise

So the one taunting him

He’d put to shame

He accepted me as his son

Yet I kept breaking

Breaking his heart into pieces

Trampling upon his heart

Not meeting his expectations

I disappoint him

Forgive me my father

You keep forgiving me

You gave me multiple second chances

Yet I continue to disappoint

I make you grieve

And bring shame to your name

Forgive me father

To rely on me

To trust in me

To place a bet on me

Its difficult, suicidal

I know

I wouldn’t, if I were in your place

But

Oh father,

I need your help

I desire your discipline

I yearn for your guidance

I crave your thoughts

I plead for your forgiveness

Father, please

I need to change

I want to change

To regret and to repent

Your laws

I need to love

To cherish and to obey

My father,

It’s you I need

To make the most important

The most important person

In my life…